Tayna's Funeral Remarks

Eulogy for Dr. Abraham Karkowsky given at his funeral at Young Israel Shomrei Emunah, Kemp Mill. Silver Spring Md. on June 24, 2013:

Dr, Abraham or Avi Karkowsky.
Avraham Mordechai Ben Yaakov Halevi U Ben Gitel:

I am Tayna, his older sister. I knew him the longest of anyone here.

A memorial and eulogies are supposed to give closure to the living. However, there are those who believe that the soul of the deceased hovers near the body, until the body is buried. It is then only slowly released as the body, its temple, decomposes. So, Avi, if you are hovering nearby, I just want you to know for once, after 64+ years, I finally got the last word in.  When he was sedated and intubated in the CCU, two weeks before he died, I was standing by his bedside,and I had just  finished telling the nurse and a technician a portion of his history. Even then, he started to shake his head violently back an forth, as though to say" No, that's not the way it was!"

Our father of blessed memory used to call Avi, Avremel the Melamud, or Avi the teacher of Talmud. His uncle Shmeil of blessed memory called him Bembel.

Avi and Mayeer were born in Newark, NJ. We lived in a first floor apartment in the house that belonged to our father's parents of Blessed Memory.

Avi was an adorable blond, blue eyed kid with stubby legs , and my partner in crime. We used to swing on an iron gate at ground level of our father's parent 's house to wait for our daddy to come home from work.  We could easily see him coming from the corner. He wore a hat to match his suit and carried a thick satchel (that's what it was called then, not an attaché or a briefcase). We yelled "Daddy!" and both ran to him to see who would sit on his right knee first , when he bent down to hug us(I have no idea why the right knee was better than the left knee).

We once found a black kitten with a white chest, and brought it upstairs to ask our mother if she would let us keep it. She did, and in later years told us how smart the cat was. The cat would scratch at the window to be let out to relieve itself, and then come back in.

We loved to go to a shopping center in downtown Newark, built high on a lot of steps. I would look at the beautiful bridal gowns. Avi would run up and down the steps, counting them.

We loved to play in a vacant lot around the corner from our grandparent's house. The lot was an adventure in the "jungle".

When we came back from visiting relatives, Avi would run around the table and sing, "Home sweet home. Home sweet home!", and was happiest at home his entire life.

At four years of age, he was the apple of our mother's eye, and got along best with her of the three of us all our lives.

Also at four years of age, he could play chess with my father.

When we were a little older, and living in Brooklyn, we used to gang up against Mayeer. Once when Mayeer was about seven years old, we closed the French doors on him, that separated the boy's bedroom from the living room, essentially locking  Mayeer out on the other side. Mayeer got so frustrated that he could not get out, he took a shoe and threw it at the French  doors, and broke a pane of glass. Well, after we all sorely felt the consequences , things changes. We slowly became a triumvirate. We were as close as brothers and a sister could be our entire lives;  a major blessing.

Avi and Mayeer went to yeshiva elementary and high school. All I remember about  Avi's undergraduate days was that he would watch sports on TV, while studying for an organic chemistry exam. Of course, he aced the exam.

Avi completed his doctorate in pharmaceutical chemistry. He loved children, and wanted to research accurate dosages of children's medication. He soon learned that he was unable to get a worthwhile grant from the government to do his research without an M.D. degree. He was already married by then to Nancy with a few kids.  They decided to go to Miami where he received a degree in medicine. They then moved to NYC Einstein, where he went on to become a pediatrician, Shunning industry's profit goals, he was hired later by The FDA to work on adult heart medications, and then supervisor of the department. He was discreet, and never spoke of whatever project he was working on. However, he loved his job. Had he remained healthy, he would not have retired. When Mayeer and I visited the Mayo in early May of this year, I asked him what he would do when he recuperated. He said that he would work on his computer at home for work. When he felt better, he would return to work.

Nothing and no one was as important to him as his wife, his children and his grandchildren. When I admonished him in May to stay strong, and get better for his children and grandchildren , Avi said, "I need my wife".

Since Avi  was diagnosed with myelofibrosis fourteen years ago, Nancy was with him every step of the way. A year and a half ago when his symptoms started to erupt, Nancy would drive him to the emergency room a number of times, even on a Friday night, to get a blood transfusion.  She was by his side every day of the last two and a half months, while he was hospitalized at the Mayo Clinic/Methodist hospital, willing him on to get better, and acting as his patient advocate. She admirably wanted to maintain his dignity and to fulfill his wishes to the very end.

Avi and Nancy were a wonderful role model for their children of what marriage was supposed to be. Five of his six children are now married to spouses who are wonderful to them in return, Boruch Hashem. Their loving caring gifted children were the jewel in their crowns.

Avi told me awhile ago, when his oldest daughter Chavi was in the rebellious teenage years, that he wanted her to become a doctor. Sooo, he went out and bought a beautifully embossed book on Art History, and told her to major in it in college . She of course was smart enough to see through his lousy ruse, At any rate, she went on to become a highly skilled physician working with high risk pregnancies and in medical academia. She married Josh Greenfield, and they have three children, Matan, Marav and Nadiv.

While Mayeer an I were visiting Avi in early May , his second oldest child Menachem (A.K.A.,Manny) called him. After the call, Avi cried and said that when Menachem came to visit him, he offered to say tehillim (psalms) with Avi. Later on in the same visit, with a huge smile that went from ear to ear,  Avi told us  that Menachem told him the sex and name of the baby that his son and wife Anne Webb were expecting. And, he was not telling! On May 19th Vered Chaya was born. As sick as he was, Avi called us to qvell and say that Menachem passed his CPA exam the same week that Vered was born. Avi asked the doctors if he could go to Memphis to see his new granddaughter, They said he was too weak to go.

Malki (married to Jamie Sorge and mother of Shai) and Shuli (married to Avi Rabinowitz),  the middle daughters in the family, are extraordinarily creative, socially adept,  resourceful and intelligent women, who know how to  get things done. Given their parents' affinity for charity work, it is no surprise that they ended up working for a Jewish non-profit organization. Malki with an MBA as project manager in Cleveland, and Shuli, as a Harvard law grad, as manager of the legal team in NYC for this organization.

What can I not say about Avi and Nancy's youngest children, the twins, Zevi (married to Hasya Pearlman) and Rafi, to describe them.  Sweet, gentle, kind , highly intelligent young men who followed in their father's footsteps to become Doctors of Internal Medicine. They each did their parents proud. When Rafi was doing his rotation service in gynecology, female patients would specifically ask for him, because he would listen patiently and commiserate with them.

Each of the children rotated to visit their parents at the Mayo during this terrible trying time,and to lend support to their mother. Chavi advocated medically , and Shuli and Rafi organized and set up a calendar of visitation.

Avi loved to cook and was fantastic at making numerous dishes, like his famous lamb stew, bbq'd chicken and lasagna. He felt wonderful watching his guests thoroughly enjoy the fresh fragrant meal he just prepared for them.

 Avi would happily talk to people about a number of topics, like politics, the Washington Post articles and editorials, the stock market,  his family members' latest capers, what was new with the person's family he was talking to, his scientific concepts (if you could understand it),  and wonderful things he learned from his guests. He would also tell the corniest jokes that only hiswife  would always laugh at , and the rest of us would both laugh and groan at (Unfortunately a trait inherited from our father).  

For example, Nancy's niece Devori told me of the time when Avi and Nancy had come to visit with them. She had thrown her shatel (wig) on the dresser. Avi came in the room, saw the shatel and said,"Do you want me to kill it for you?!" Avi was also very private about many things, such as his religious beliefs.

Avi was most characterized by the chessed or kindness he did for others. He was truly a Rodef Chessed. If anyone needed a place to stay for Shabbos, he and Nancy were happy to offer to  provide for them. He and Nancy  invited friends and new members of the shul for Shabbos dinner and lunch, and mecayaimed the mitzvah of Hachnosats Orchim.

Avi was an integral  part of his synagogue and his community He asked the doctors at the Mayo if he could be flown to a hospital in silver Spring so that he could say goodbye to his friends, neighbors, and co-workers. But, by then he was to weak.

Although short in stature, he was a giant among men, He was brave, strong in conviction courteous, and intensely caring, He wanted so much to live. He endured pain and discomfort for many weeks for the illness and from the grueling procedures, to try to survive. He has always had tremendous faith in medicine. Yet, despite the work of wonderful doctors at the Mayo, and the knowledgeable input of many doctors from his extended family and  from  his community, it was not to be. He  ultimately died of liver failure of unknown causes. All of the  king's horses and all of the king's men could not put Avi together again. Hashem Yisborach  took him.

Special thanks to Dr. Ayalew Tefferi, Hematologist at the Mayo  and  world renown myelofibrosis specialist who worked so hard with Avi for fourteen+ years,  whom Avi respected as a doctor and liked very much as a person.  Dr. Tefferi was always optimistic  yet truthful with Avi and the family. He came by at least once a day to speak with Avi , Nancy and whoever was visiting. He hugged all of us.

Thanks to Dr. Stanton and the entire CCU team at the Mayo. Thanks to all of the many doctors and nurses at the Mayo, who gave my bother such devoted care.

Thanks also to Dr. Theodore Heller who was Avi's shul buddy, Hepatology  supervisor at NIH, and consultant to Dr Tefferi., and to Dr. B. Kressel.

Special thanks to Rabbi and Rebbetzin Green of Rochester MN., who helped Nancy spiritually and with providing kosher food during  her ordeal. And, special thanks to Rabbi Rosenbaum of YISE, Kemp Mill for flying out to Rochester,MN, and lending spiritual support and guidance.

If you are still hovering and listening to me Avi, I miss you terribly.
May G-d grant you everlasting peace.