My Brother Avrohom Mordecai ben Yakov Halevi (and Gittel). A/K/A {Avi}
First -הקרת הטוב- thank you rabbi for all of your kindness, help and support you've given the family.
Perspective is very interesting: you've heard from Shuli, Avi's daughter, and Tayna, our older sister. Now you will hear a younger brother's perspective:
How does one say goodbye to one's brother, best friend, first roommate, confidant, lifelong advisor and a major part of one's life?
My brother Avi was the middle child of 3. He and our older sister, Tayna, would often gang up on me because I was the youngest, But when truly needed, both were always there for me.
Our parents, Gussie & Jack Karkowsky sacrificed much to give us a yeshiva education. They also taught us to love each other and ignore small slights and offenses. Family was everything! they repeatedly advised. After our second parent passed away, it was clear to the three of us how right our parents were as all we had left were each other. They preached love and caring and managed to convey it to and inculcate their children.
As a young child, Avi would tell me often that he was 3 yrs 1 mo 3 days older, asserting his superiority as the "older" and more accomplished brother. In fact, it was a well deserved assertion.
He never asked השומר אחי אנוכי? (Am I my brother's keeper?). He always watched over me, but always gave me the space I needed to learn on my own. He was always the responsible big brother.
Growing up with an extremely bright older brother was not easy. He went to MIT and obtained an advanced degree in Chemistry. Thereafter he obtained his PhD in pharmacological chemistry prior to his MD.
While at MIT he was a member of "Anshei Fairmont", a rented home in cambridge,MA, where a small bunch of guys who were all students at MIT or Harvard roomed. They all became close lifelong friends , some of whom are probably here now.
Among this group was one friend who obtained his PhD in physical chemistry from MIT/Harvard at the age of 21 and then went onto medical school. As a very young teenager , I did not know that he and these guys were way above average. Many times i would have trouble following their conversations. It wasn't until later that i learned i was above average and he and his crew were off the charts. Until that realization, they always made me feel inferior. To me, he was a giant.
My brother would often come home with 100's on his high school regents. When I came home with a 98 on my geometry regent, which was way above my norm, my mother said to me " you couldn't do better,?? your brother got 100!!!. Obviously, he was a very difficult act to follow.
But it wasn't just his intellect that made him so special. He was blessed with a highly analytic mind , a clear view of things most people could not or would not see and a deep understanding of human nature. To me, he was a giant.
Even in his delirium he gave me a lecture about the hemodynamics and interplay of bilirubin to creatinine, explaining the optimum ratios. Always trying to teach me something.
But above all, He was my HERO,
And for many reasons -
He was extremely accomplished but modest;
He was kind and helpful to all.
He was gentle and always concerned for others.
He had a strong will to live and although he succumbed to a horrid disease he never gave up, fighting tenaciously until the very end.
In the hospital, Avi told me how happy he was that he had the opportunity to say viydu (confession) . He was letting me know he was emotionally as prepared as one can be.
Avi strongly viewed life as an opportunity to do not just good, but to accomplish something special. Although he was an MD PhD,and a board certified pediatrician, he was not satisfied or fulfilled attending just one patient at a time. Avi felt that he had to do something that would benefit all of humanity and thereby accomplish a greater good, whether in drug research at the NIH or working for the FDA to ensure the public's safety.
In 1972, He married a wonderful young woman named Nancy, another one of my heroes, who stayed by his side for 41 +years, through thick and thin. She heroically acted as his health care advocate, to enable his wishes to be realized. She underwent an overwhelming and crushing experience, caring for him thru his illness. With the love and support of family and friends, she was able to endure the agony of watching her spouse deteriorate.
BUT MOST OF ALL, Family was everything to Avi.
Together, Avi and Nancy raised 6 wonderful and accomplished children,
Chavi, Manny , Malki, Shuli, Zevi, and Rafi, all of whom are accomplished in their own right. Interestingly, all of these diminutives of their formal names end with the "ee" sound, a suffix that in Hebrew represents " Mine", because they were such an important part of Avi's identity.
Avi was proud of all 6 children and was thrilled with his sons and daughters in law, Chavi's husband Josh, Manny's wife Anne, Malki's husband Jamie, Shuli's husband Avi, and Zevi's wife Hasya. Avi longed to see the last of his children, Rafi married.
These children have so far been blessed to have given him 5 grandchildren;
Chavi' and her husband Josh, 3 of the 5' Matan, Meirav and Nadav ,
Malki and her husband Jamie's son Shai and most recently,
Manny and his wife Anne's daughter, Vered.
Unfortunately, Avi never had the opportunity to meet and hold Vered, which he deeply desired and missed.
During his illness, and just prior to Vered's birth, despite the ongoing stresses and great pain and discomfort he was living with, he expressed to me his strong will to survive. Knowing his strong family feelings, I encouraged him by saying that he better fight to survive because he has so many unborn grandchildren to meet. He smiled and shook his head yes. I had to leave the room to cry.
Shiva is a time for mourning our terrible and untimely loss, but I know we will also celebrate his life, which although relatively short was extremely full and accomplished. We love you Avi and we will miss you terribly. We are all greatly diminished by your passing. To me, you always were and will be a giant among men!
On behalf of the entire family i ask you Mechilah for any wrong we or any of us may have committed.
May you be a meylitz yosher for us all.
ויצרור את נשמתו בצרור החיים
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