A Memory from Richard

Nancy, 

Nice to speak with you. 
I, too, miss Avi A"H.  I fondly recall him as one of the warmest, friendliest, kindest people in shul -- and, although he and I were only acquaintances, he would enthusiastically wish me Shabbat Shalom as if we were close friends!  

As I mentioned, I also was part of the Chevra Kadisha team that performed the Tahara on Avi.  

May you, your family, and all Klal Yisrael be comforted by the many, many positive memories of all the good and great things that Avi did.  

I look forward to seeing you in shul.  

Shabbat Shalom.  
Best regards, 



Richard   

A Wonderful Video

from Jamie (Malki's husband): 




In 2009, lots of family came up to Boston to celebrate Malki's birthday at Taam China. 


Though the restaurant is known for their delicious ribs, most people recall this as the very spot where Zeyde pulled a belly laugh from four-month-old Matan using the classic Donald Duck voice. 

I was lucky enough to capture it on video and feel fortunate to have found it again. 

All my love,

Jamie

A gift from Nadine

She sent us this, because it does indeed remind her (and me) of my dad.

Thanks, Nadine. The kids are excited to read it tonight (and I'm so touched).

Beautiful Pic from Rafi

Somehow I had never seen this one before. You can feel the love, right?

Shavuot

I made sure to count the omer this year to completion in memory of Dad because it was a mitzvah he particularly enjoyed. It was 46 days higher than my previous counting high. I thought about Dad as much as I could during Yizkor.

Coffee at work

Such a lovely memory from Doris, a coworker at the FDA. Dad always did make a great cup of coffee (or two, or three).

--------------------------

I will always think of Avi whenever I enjoy a really good cup of coffee.

You see, he and I worked for different Divisions of the FDA, but our Divisions shared a common snack area… and in that snack area a row of coffeemakers worked all day long, keeping hardworking Feds awake and alert. The best coffee – hands down! Turned out to be brewed by the DCaRP Coffee Club, which, honestly, mostly consisted of Avi. Before long, I’d become an honorary member, bringing in sugar and coffee and the occasional box of baked goods in exchange for a trustworthy source of really good caffeine.

Over the years, I’d check in with Avi to let  him know I was bringing in fresh supplies so he could skip a grocery run. I always noticed, always asked, about the pictures on his office door. Pictures of his family. His grandchildren. How proud he was, how fond. It was such a wonderful thing to see a grown man, an educated man, an MD-PhD, just glowing with warmth and pride and delight in his loved ones, so happy to share the latest news when people would ask how his family was doing.

When I left that Division of FDA, I moved to another office, another floor, and it was just about impossible to find time in the day to stop by. How I wish I had. Because I’d bump into Avi from time to time, as I ran from here to there. And he’d always say, ‘stop by, you should see the pictures…’ and I’d always promise I would.

Then Avi’s office went dark.

Then Dan Brum, a PM from DCaRP who’d just moved into my new Division as the Chief of Project Management, came back from a memorial service… for a former colleague in DCaRP… and I asked with dread, and he said, “Avi”.

It’s often said that nobody ever regrets that they didn’t spend more time at the office. What we regret, what we wish we could do over, is time not spent with family and friends. I regret the pictures and good coffee that I missed, the happy family news I never heard, taking for granted that when the mad rush died down, there’d be time enough to stop by and catch up again.

But I know with all my heart and soul and strength that Avi was blessed. He had time to be with those he loved, and he brought them with him every day, all day long, smiling at him right there, from his office door.

Doris J. Bates, Ph.D.

From a co-worker via email

Nancy
 I wanted to tell how nice it was to see you at the tree dedication on White Oak campus (I was standing behind you in the shade of the barn) and how pleased I am you were able to come.  Avi was, as you said, such a loving and gentle man, and I have nothing but fond memories of working with him – he never got rattled, he never lost his temper, and he never lost his passion for his work and his family.

I remember the last time I saw him – I had just started a new job in the Office of International Program – one of the things our group does is arrange for travel, diplomatic passports, visas etc… when an FDA’er presents at a conference overseas.  To my great surprise, he was wandering around our hallways trying to find where the travel team was located.  As we often did, we had a nice chat – I had no clue that he was ill. He never said anything and it never showed.  But it explained his drive to ensure his family were taken care of.  And he was driven.

I go back to Cardio-Renal as often as I can (my office is only across campus, you’d think it was across town!).  That will always be home, and those are my people.  It is a very different place now, with no Avi.  And I miss him popping his head into my office with his, “How do?”

 We really are the fortunate ones aren’t we?  Many of our rough edges are smoother because of our interactions with him.  Such a shame we could not have shared him more broadly – the world needs more people like that.

- Meg

Feeling groovy

Good stuff from cousin Ronit Orlanski, via Uncle Mayeer:  Dad and Mom walking the groom down at Zev's wedding

Nancy's speech at the FDA Tree Dedication

Hi, I am Nancy Karkowsky. I was married to Avi Karkowsky for 40 years, and he still could surprise me sometimes.

I want to thank all of you as Avi's colleagues for planting this tree in his memory. I don't know the names of all the people who contributed or helped--I only know Shari and Eli, but thank you all. As many of you know, Avi's family, his synagogue, his community, and his work were all very important to him. Some of you may have contributed to the 100 trees that were planted in Israel in his memory. Our family and his friends are working on a project to remember him in the synagogue and community.  Having something here at the FDA--particularly a tree that lives and grows near the child care facility--Avi did love children--is appropriate as well.

Avi had a very high regard, even a passion, for the work he did at the FDA and the people he worked with. As a doctor, he wanted to help people and save lives, and he felt that he and all of you at the FDA were doing important work and helping people and saving lives every day. So this tree will be a symbol of that.

As many of you know, he enjoyed being a mentor and a teacher. If anyone had a question or needed some guidance, he always had a smile to greet them and was delighted to answer questions and help others.  Being a father was important to him, and just as he wanted his children to be accomplished, he wanted all of you to be as good as you could be and achieve what you could to the best of your ability. Many of the people he mentored or taught were promoted to positions above him, but it did not bother him. He was happy and proud of them, almost as proud as he was of his children, and all of you know how proud he was of his children!

This tree is a lovely way to remember him. It will grow and last many years, and we can come look at it, and remember him.

But an even better way to remember my husband would be to continue doing what he did. I know no one has extra time or thinks they have extra time, but if someone has a question, try to take the time to answer that question and help that person. If someone passes you in the hall, give them a big smile and ask them how they are.  If you see a child, shake their hand or make them laugh. And when you take the time to smile or help someone in these ways, try to think of Avi and what he used to do. That would be the best way to remember him.

Thank you again. Our family is very grateful to all of you.

Short remarks for last Kaddish

Paraphrased:

My father did not really stand on ceremony but i would like to say a few short words. Thank you all for coming out here. I feel really lucky that i can take time from my busy life and arrive in Israel so easily 5000 miles away. That I can make a sort of pilgrimage out of such a difficult year to visit my father and in a way achieve a feeling of accomplishment.

I think a lot about my daughter, how my father never really got to meet her and how it feels so unfair and unjust. But on the on the other hand, how I have my daughter and she gives me so much happiness and I am too busy taking care of her to really mope.

I know people have to get home for shabbat so I just want to thank everyone again and finish off: when people say I am like my father, I take it as a compliment and I hope to develop those characteristics. And in the ways that I know I am not like my father, I always wish I was more like him.

Norman's Remarks

(Sent by email today; these remarks may diverge slightly from what was said at the actual tree dedication.)

I was privileged to have Avi as my team leader from the time I started as a medical officer in the Division of Cardiovascular and Renal Products at FDA in 1991. We worked together first in the Parklawn Building, then Woodmont, and eventually White Oak campus. He was the quintessential team leader—caring, compassionate, engaged, and committed. As the years went by and I grew more confident, Avi remained a reliable friend, colleague, and mentor. We didn’t always see things the same way, but I always respected his point of view and was grateful that he had him to give us a different perspective on things. I miss having him to bounce ideas with, but he influenced—raised—a generation of medical officers; his impact is evident in the halls here today. In the early years, my daughter, Melissa, was a frequent visitor to the office when I would pick her up after daycare or school. Avi always made her feel welcome, as he did every other child he encountered in the workplace. So I was struck at his services last June at how similar were stories and experiences shared with his “other family”. Avi was very much the same bright, caring, funny character at home as he was at work. This probably is no great shock to any of you, but it is a consistency in character to which I only aspire, as much a part of his legacy, for me, as were the incessant puns.
Warmest regards,Norman

FDA Tree Dedication for Avi Karkowsky

Today, my father's colleagues at the FDA dedicated a tree to him. It will stand near the children's play area, because everyone knows how much my father loved children and helping people grow up well. It's a young tree, an apple tree type named "Galiant", a punny name for my gallant father (because everyone knows how much my dad loved puns.)

We're grateful that this tree will grow, and offer people of all ages shade and comfort for many years, on the site of the the work my Dad loved so much. Thank you to all his FDA colleagues who organized this lovely remembrance.

.

Nancy Karkowsky and Rabbi Rosenbaum at the tree dedication ceremony next to our very young "Galiant" tree

Manny's Speech @ Funeral in Israel

I really liked my father. He really liked babies.

One of the main reasons I liked him was his dislike for pretension. He was a very sincere man and he believed that everything in the world that we do is done better with care and sincerity.

The attribute of his that I would most like to emulate is his patience. It was natural but also cultivated. I think his patience was the central characteristic for all the things we respect about him: his kindness, his intelligence, his commitment to family and community.

His patience was a Jewish kind of patience, which had its roots in self-reflection. Not the kind of self-reflection which separates one from the world but rather which gives one a more natural attachment to life and earth through understanding our commitments and constantly orienting and re-orienting ourselves to the yoke of our commitments. "Ol HaTzibbur" "Ol HaMishpacha" "Ol Malchut Shamayim" and to be misamayach in that avodah. He made sure you knew he considered himself a lucky man: lucky to have work that he loved, lucky to be jewish, lucky to have his family.

He wasn't always a terribly communicative man. He believed the only way to teach the most important things is to model them day in and day out.

I'll remember him most for how much joy he got from his children. All my siblings have special memories of him.

How I would sit in shul with him and he would bend down and kiss me on the keppe as if I were still a child.

I miss my father. I really liked him. He really loved babies.